Since so many(none) of you are probably wondering just where I have been, its time to come clean. I have been involved in a months long investigation that could shake the entertainment industry down to its core. You see, the Texts From Last Night blog posted a column that aims to portray celebrities as normal people. We(me) here at The Last Stawp believe in due process and feel the celebrities listed deserve a chance to explain themselves.
@alyankovic Is it true you once faked pissing in a movie theater janitors closet? pic.twitter.com/HdzilPvfFN
— TheLastStawp (@TheLastStawp) February 12, 2018
No word from the Weird One yet but if UHF taught me anything, its that Weird Al likes janitors closets so I will just go ahead and say this one is TRUE.
@kirstiealley Have you ever bumped into someone in a grocery store in Oregon?? pic.twitter.com/THqYD1LThr
— TheLastStawp (@TheLastStawp) February 12, 2018
Kirstie Alleys struggles with her weight have been well documented. Would anyone put it past her to go shopping at a remote grocery store in some place called Oregon? I certainly wouldn”t. TRUE.
@SteveCarell This fella or lady says they had jury duty with you? Is it true you were just trying to be a normal guy doing your civic duty? pic.twitter.com/VS3PPFutNk
— TheLastStawp (@TheLastStawp) February 12, 2018
Everything I have ever seen or heard about Steve Carrell points to him being one of the nicest people on the planet. I believe this and therefore think that what she says is TRUE.
@DrewBarrymore @tomgreenlive Have you ever taken a cab to the charlies angels premier and also possibly fart on the seat, thereby leaving it warm for this person? The world needs to know. pic.twitter.com/zXi0Hg5OPu
— TheLastStawp (@TheLastStawp) February 12, 2018
Tom Green likes to put his bum everywhere so it ending up in a cab seems very plausible. Now, would Drew fart in a cab? Her friendship with the king of poop jokes, Adam Sandler, is a sure sign that this taxicab confession is TRUE.
@Sethrogen Hey can you ask james if he ever petted someones dog who was tied up to a fence? The world needs to know. pic.twitter.com/bN3HO6Sq4S
— TheLastStawp (@TheLastStawp) February 12, 2018
James Franco, who is battling sexual harassment charges, does not have a twitter account so I had to reach out to his friend Seth Rogen. What is James trying to hide? His penchant for petting strangers dogs, no doubt. TRUE.
@PaulMcCartney Have you ever taken a cab and sung happy birthday to this persons mother? The world needs to know. pic.twitter.com/ZAqvVqGFvE
— TheLastStawp (@TheLastStawp) February 12, 2018
Paul’s account tweeted out today “If you could ask Paul anything, what would it be?” I went with this because I can’t imagine Sir Paul riding in a cab in the early ’90s. Until I get confirmation, I am going with FALSE on this one.
@tomhanks Did it ever occur to you that this lady might be crazy since the only thing she bought at a best buy was a bottle of water? Dodged a bullet there, Hanks. pic.twitter.com/Q9g0ayUq2r
— TheLastStawp (@TheLastStawp) February 12, 2018
Tom Hanks is lucky to be alive. There is no doubt he talked to this lady in line at a Best Buy but instead of speaking like Forrest Gump, he should’ve asked her why she was buying only a water there. Seems like another code he needs to crack. TRUE.
@evilhag Did you or did you not flip off this person who was just trying to wave? The world needs to know. pic.twitter.com/m4oqO2C7zV
— TheLastStawp (@TheLastStawp) February 12, 2018
Aubrey Plaza definitely flipped off this person. TRUE
This is just part of the investigation. At press time, I have yet to hear back from any of these celebrities so until I do, I will assume my findings to be 100% accurate. I will update as necessary.
The Last Stawp 