TLS Investigates: Celebrities Doing Normal Things Edition

Since so many(none) of you are probably wondering just where I have been, its time to come clean. I have been involved in a months long investigation that could shake the entertainment industry down to its core. You see, the Texts From Last Night blog posted a column that aims to portray celebrities as normal people. We(me) here at The Last Stawp believe in due process and feel the celebrities listed deserve a chance to explain themselves.


No word from the Weird One yet but if UHF taught me anything, its that Weird Al likes janitors closets so I will just go ahead and say this one is TRUE.

Kirstie Alleys struggles with her weight have been well documented. Would anyone put it past her to go shopping at a remote grocery store in some place called Oregon? I certainly wouldn”t. TRUE.

Everything I have ever seen or heard about Steve Carrell points to him being one of the nicest people on the planet. I believe this and therefore think that what she says is TRUE.

Tom Green likes to put his bum everywhere so it ending up in a cab seems very plausible. Now, would Drew fart in a cab? Her friendship with the king of poop jokes, Adam Sandler, is a sure sign that this taxicab confession is TRUE.

James Franco, who is battling sexual harassment charges, does not have a twitter account so I had to reach out to his friend Seth Rogen. What is James trying to hide? His penchant for petting strangers dogs, no doubt. TRUE.

Paul’s account tweeted out today “If you could ask Paul anything, what would it be?” I went with this because I can’t imagine Sir Paul riding in a cab in the early ’90s. Until I get confirmation, I am going with FALSE on this one.

Tom Hanks is lucky to be alive. There is no doubt he talked to this lady in line at a Best Buy but instead of speaking like Forrest Gump, he should’ve asked her why she was buying only a water there. Seems like another code he needs to crack. TRUE.

Aubrey Plaza definitely flipped off this person. TRUE

This is just part of the investigation. At press time, I have yet to hear back from any of these celebrities so until I do, I will assume my findings to be 100% accurate. I will update as necessary.

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