Chelsea Handler v Tomi Lahren in a Debate Nobody Asked For.

I could be wrong with this headline, but I doubt it. Is there anyone on the planet who wants to see this? Politicon, the event during which this debate will take place, is not free. Why anyone would spend their money on to watch any of Chelsea Handler match wits with Tomi Lahren is beyond my comprehension level. I don’t mind Handler so much as a comedienne but have never watched her show on Netflix. Her crusade on Instagram to free the nipple was noble, however. Lahren is too over the top for me to believe she believes anything she says. Her screeds may have given her fame but they only give me a headache. These two going at it just sounds like a horrible way to spend a day.

David Price and Dennis Eckersley Had a Confrontation

David Price pitched last night. I think he pitched pretty good, all things considered. It was his seventh start since coming off the DL and he pitched 7 solid innings, allowing three runs, 6 hits, striking out 7 and most importantly, no walks. He seems to be rounding into form, which makes this report from Nick Cafardo so disappointing. I watched most of the game last night and Eck was effusive in his praise for Price’s start. I did miss the play where Price forgot to cover first on a ground ball, and from the one highlight I saw of the play, it seemed as if Eck was about to give Price an earful.

If whatever Eck said after that is the reason for the altercation, shame on Price. It should be no secret to all of you (me) that I have no patience for the Boston media. But Eck is one of the good ones and Price did forget to cover first. That is one of those plays were the commentators will always say “They work on that play the first day of spring training, no excuse to not cover the bag there.” And they are right. Price is wrong in this situation. If that is in fact what the confrontation was actually about. It could have been about anything. I think just the fact that a confrontation happened does not bode well for Price and his future in Boston. I hope I am wrong, as I am a big fan of Price and think when he is on top of his game, he is one of the best pitchers around, playoffs be damned. (Though nobody seems to remember him killing the Sox’ chances in ALCS GM 7 back in ’08.) In a perfect world, Price becomes the dominant ace he can be, the media backs off and we all bask in playoff riches come October. Is that too much to ask? Unfortunately in Boston, the answer to that is usually yes. Here’s hoping I’m wrong.

 

Cindy Crawford’s Daughter Got the Internet Mad at Her.

When I was a teenager in the ’90s Cindy Crawford was the hottest woman on the planet. Her, Jenny McCarthy, Pamela Anderson and Savannah the porn star(RIP) were my Mt. Rushmore of SpankBank material. So when you take Cindy’s Hall of Fame looks and put them together with the quality looks of Rande Gerber, its no surprise that their offspring is attractive. What is also no surprise is the internet being up in arms over their daughter posting a pic of herself in a bathrobe on Instagram.KaiaGerber Apparently I am out of the loop because I have never heard of Kaia Gerber. A quick google search and it appears that she is following in her mothers footsteps and becoming a model. Which is all  good, because she looks well on her way to achieving the same level of success as Cindy.  And I agree, the picture she put up is a little provocative. But without these people getting upset about it I never would have known it existed. Know why? BECAUSE I DON’T FOLLOW A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL ON INSTAGRAM.  I have nieces around her age and have no clue what their Instagram accounts are like because again, I do not follow them. But Kaia Gerber hits the genetic lottery and somehow has 1.4 MILLION people seeing every picture she takes. So before you go crazy about what a 15 year old girl is doing on Instagram, just realize that you are about to go crazy about what a 15 year old girl is doing on Instagram, you maniacs.

The Robots Have Arrived and Are Bringing Digitized Scents With Them.

All of you (me) that know me know that I think the robot-pocalypse will be here sooner rather than later. That is why my spidey senses went off when I saw this story in the Globe the other day. Sure, this nerd is saying all the right things. That the robots are just here to bring people “hot dogs and marshmallow flavor clouds.”*  Want some Dom to wash that down those aromatic ‘mallows? Good ole Gita is right there with a chilled bottle for you.Living the high life, right? Well that is exactly what they want you to think.  If life has taught me anything, it is that the robots will act as our friends before turning on us. They may seem like they are your best friend when they blow a digitized Filet Mignon into your face, but they  are actually lulling you into a false sense of security. Just as the story says, soon they will be out on the streets. Once that happens there is nothing anyone can do to stop them from bumping into trees or getting plowed over by trucks.

*That a sounds really gross when you think about it. Hot dogs and marshmallows are not two things that go together particularly well. Its probably poison. Fucking robots.

The Umpire Who Saved that Lady from the Bridge is Kind of a Dick.

By now,  I am sure some of you (me) have heard about the MLB umpire who helped talk a woman off the ledge of the Roberto Clemente Bridge in Pittsburgh. Now, to be sure, John Tumpane had nothing but the best intentions when he saw the lady looking down on the Alleghany. I think that any good person would try and help someone in such deep despair. stephenasmith

I think this guy is kind of a dick. A dick full of good intentions, but a dick nonetheless. Think about it. Life can be a cruel, fickle bitch sometimes. Rodney Dangerfield  referred to waking up every day as facing the “heaviness.” The decision to jump off a bridge does not come lightly. So imagine finally having the balls to take control of your life and then Johnny Do-Gooder comes along and ruins everything. This poor lady is probably a million times more depressed now because she never made it to the water. Failing at suicide is the worst thing that could happen to a depressed person. Now she is going to have family and friends surrounding her 24/7 to make sure she doesn’t do the one thing in life she wants to do with it. End it. I feel for this lady. If everyone just walked around with earbuds turned up and heads turned down, tragedies like this wouldn’t happen.

I Really Hope Kelly Clarksons’ Family Beat Amy Schumers’ in Family Feud.

Kelly Clarkson and Amy Schumer in a battle on the Feud? Where do I sign up? I did not know this was happening but I have to watch it. Two of my favorite things on the planet are Family Feud and Kelly Clarkson.  I really hope Team Clarkson wins because judging from those two clips, Amy Schumer is beating her dead horse of an act. I know she’s successful and I am just a person writing to myself on this thing, but seriously she needs to move past the “i like to have sex” jokes. “PUSH IT DOWN!!” Oh I get it, so the guy will eat you out and what girl doesn’t like that, amirite ladies? So funny. Also, the only reason a guy would look better with clothes on is obviously because he has small dick. It probably has nothing to do with the fact that he is fat, hairy and no muscle tone. Not that I would know about those things. If there is a higher being, let Kelly win. Its what America has wanted since 2002.