National Day Challenge May 16-18

A few more days, a lot more national days to acknowledge. Just an FYI to all (none) of you reading this, I try my best to get to all the national days, but some are just damn near impossible. But it is my promise to you (me) that I will get to at least 2-3 a day until National Skydiving Day, at which point, I’m out. Lets get to the challenges.

May 16.

National Coquille Saint Jacques Day- Ill let the video do the explaining.

Honor Our LGBT Elders Day- I don’t know many old LGBT people but the trailer for “Bohemian Rhapsody” just came out and Freddy Mercury is a badass, so lets take a look at that.

National Piercing Day- Again, Ill let the video speak for itself.

 

National Love a Tree Day- Sent a nice text to my super hippy dippy earth loving friend.

May 17th-

Cherry Cobbler Day-

 

Walnut Day-

 

May 18th

Pizza Party Day-

 

 

Bike to Work Day- The only bike I had available belongs to my 10 year old niece. Not sure it could handle me and my fatness.

Cheese Souffle Day- This stupid idea of mine is eventually cause me to gain 400 lbs but I’m stuck on a double today and don’t have time to make a souffle. This post will be updated when I get to make one in a couple of days.

No Dirty Dishes Day- A day to not do dishes, so just like any other day at my house. Doing dishes sucks.

HIV Vaccine Awareness Day-I am not aware of there being a vaccine for HIV or else Freddy Mercury would still be here.

Visit Your Relatives Day- I live with my brother so again, just like any other day at my house. As for the rest of my family, they know where I am.

NASCAR Day- Might be the quickest I ever got a like on the twitter machine.

National Day Challenge May 12-15

Had a lot to do over the weekend between work and acknowledging all the National Days. Didn’t get to celebrate all of them (sorry, frog-jumping) but was able to nail down quite a few.  First up May 12.

Miniature Golf Day- The weather sucked but luckily there is an indoor Monster Mini Golf in Norwood. I took my oh-so-happy to help me out girlfriend there and whooped that ass. Here we are finishing the 18th hole.  

Archery Day- I’ve got pretty good aim.

Nutty Fudge Day- Delicious. Two days in a row with food. Not good.

Babysitters Day- I manage a restaurant and the staff is mostly women under the age of 25. So I’m just gonna pat myself on the back for this one.

Odometer Day- No clue why these need to be celebrated, but here is a picture of one.img_1865

Fibromyalgia Awareness- According to the Lyrica ad I always see, Fibromyalgia sucks. According to the Lyrica ad I always see, so does Lyrica.

National Limerick Day- I really hope the Celtics win the East. That asshole Lebron is a beast. If the Cs win in the Garden. Hopefully next comes Harden. Cuz I want to see the Warriors the least.

May 13

National Crouton Day- Being a manager at a 3 star restaurant has its perks. Free croutons is one of them.img_1867

National Fruit Cocktail and National Apple Pie Day- I combined these two for a perfect midnight snack.

May 14

National Buttermilk Biscuit Day- These were not good.

Dance Like a Chicken Day- Alexa is very helpful.

Underground America Day-Celebrating people that live underground, I tried to acknowledge this day by watching BioDome. I got to this part 28 minutes into it and had to turn it off. Putrid.

Womens Checkup Day- Not everything can be publicized.

May 15

Chocolate Chip Day- More food. Pretty sure doing all this will cause me to gain 200 lbs.

Nylon Stocking Day- A nice little homage to Martin Short in “Three Fugitives.”

It was a busy few days and I gained 5 lbs but its worth it when I see the look on all of your(mine) faces.

National Day Challenge. May 11th

Today’s challenges were pretty easy. First up: National Provider Day, which is just another reason to thank people who care for children. One group text (5 people) is all teachers/mothers. Easy peasy.

Next up is Military Spouse Appreciation Day. I have one friend who is stationed in Japan right now so a quick little note to his wife and I had two down pretty early in the day.

Third we have National Twilight Zone Day. For this I’m just supposed to say which episode of the Twilight zone is my favorite and use the hashtag #NationalTwighlightZoneDay. Smooth sailing here. The calendar may say today is National Eat What You Want Day but my belly says I celebrate that every day. So here’s a picture of my lunch, courtesy of Master Wok. Last for today was harder than I expected. National Foam Roller Day. My plan was to buy a foam roller and be done with it. However those things cost like 40 bucks. #ripoffcity. So I did the next best thing and just used it in the store. Not that fun. No idea why people use those things. That’s all for today. See you(me) tomorrow.

National Day of Something or Other

I am in a couple of different group text chains (so popular am I) and this week I got bombarded with mentions of National Teacher Day and National Nurses Week etc. etc. Now I am not going to downplay the significance that teachers and nurses play in our lives, but it got me wondering about how there is a “National Day of Something or Other” every day. So I looked it up on the google machine and came across the National  Day calendar. It is a list of every day and what is being celebrated that day. For instance, today, May 10 is the national day of: The State of Washington, Lipids, Clean Your Room Day and Shrimp. All this got me thinking that I should honor every day of the year for the next 365 days. My promise to you (nobody) is that I will record and post everything that is possible for me to do for the next year. Without further ado, here is what I have done to celebrate May 10.

National Washington Day- This is a day to celebrate the state of Washington and since today is a Thursday, I can think of no better way to show my appreciation for the Pacific Northwest than by watching Greys Anatomy. Taking place in Seattle, it tells the tale of Meredith Grey and what goes on inside the halls of Grey/Sloan Memorial Hospital.

National Lipids Day- The purpose is to raise awareness for Dyslipidemia, which is an abnormal amount of lipids in ones system. If you suffer from Dyslipidemia, you are most likely similar to me, a fatass. Its the leading cause of cardio vascular disease in the country. In order to help raise awareness here is me doing 10 jumping jacks.

National Clean Your Room Day- Pretty self explanatory. Here are some before and after photos.

National Shrimp Day- Again, self explanatory. Here I am eating a delicious shrimp dish from work. Come see me at the Brick and Beam in Quincy!

TLS Investigates: Celebrities Doing Normal Things Edition

Since so many(none) of you are probably wondering just where I have been, its time to come clean. I have been involved in a months long investigation that could shake the entertainment industry down to its core. You see, the Texts From Last Night blog posted a column that aims to portray celebrities as normal people. We(me) here at The Last Stawp believe in due process and feel the celebrities listed deserve a chance to explain themselves.

 

No word from the Weird One yet but if UHF taught me anything, its that Weird Al likes janitors closets so I will just go ahead and say this one is TRUE.

Kirstie Alleys struggles with her weight have been well documented. Would anyone put it past her to go shopping at a remote grocery store in some place called Oregon? I certainly wouldn”t. TRUE.

Everything I have ever seen or heard about Steve Carrell points to him being one of the nicest people on the planet. I believe this and therefore think that what she says is TRUE.

Tom Green likes to put his bum everywhere so it ending up in a cab seems very plausible. Now, would Drew fart in a cab? Her friendship with the king of poop jokes, Adam Sandler, is a sure sign that this taxicab confession is TRUE.

James Franco, who is battling sexual harassment charges, does not have a twitter account so I had to reach out to his friend Seth Rogen. What is James trying to hide? His penchant for petting strangers dogs, no doubt. TRUE.

Paul’s account tweeted out today “If you could ask Paul anything, what would it be?” I went with this because I can’t imagine Sir Paul riding in a cab in the early ’90s. Until I get confirmation, I am going with FALSE on this one.

Tom Hanks is lucky to be alive. There is no doubt he talked to this lady in line at a Best Buy but instead of speaking like Forrest Gump, he should’ve asked her why she was buying only a water there. Seems like another code he needs to crack. TRUE.

Aubrey Plaza definitely flipped off this person. TRUE

This is just part of the investigation. At press time, I have yet to hear back from any of these celebrities so until I do, I will assume my findings to be 100% accurate. I will update as necessary.

Happy No More Pablo Sandoval Day!

 

Even if the Red Sox lose to the Yankees tonight in the second half opener, they have already won the day. It was announced earlier that Pablo Sandoval, he of the belt-busting swings, was designated for assignment. Now as all of you (me) may know, I do not care about the size of a baseball players contract. If a billionaire wants to pay somebody a lot of money to play on their team, who am I to get mad at the contract? All I ask is that the player be productive to a certain degree. And I’m pretty sure we (me) can all agree that Panda just sucked at everything while a member of the Sox. He had a horrible first year, from being caught on Instagram during a game to just flat out sucking in the field. He showed up his second season having to defend comments that got the contract he wanted and didn’t feel like working out as a result. Good move. On top of that he played for like a week before being put on the DL with said broken belt. And this year was just more of the same. I don’t know the guy as a person but reports out of San Fran when he left suggested he wasn’t a team guy and nothing I have seen/heard during his time in Boston gives me any indication those reports were false. Sometimes you just have to cut the cord, not matter how big it is. Good luck and good riddance, Panda.